as every color illuminates

The point of no return. Everyone tells you: Let go.

       feel heavy from dragging it around. Let it go and grab it back again.  re-position it's weight and decide to hold it like a baby near your chest. Caress the limp body and kiss the cold cheek. Cradling dead memories is your new hobby. Despite any well intended advice, they would never understand. They know from experience? They aren't in your experience. And that it is a teacher. I have heard. Experience that is. Is something that takes time. Time never is on your side. It will come down to one thing for everyone. Depending on who you are. Only for some. Only for me. Maybe for you. Breathe. Don't try to make since o my words just your own. world.inside you.

Pretend. 

Pretend to feel happy. Pretend to feel beautiful. Pretend to love. Pretend to come alive. Then the item, the idea, the mirage of what once was has vanished, and you become that which you are "pretending". In that moment, you are. You are light. Lite. Live. Limber. The one not broken. The pretending hero who now rescues. The brave one. I am she. You are he. 

let go, dear one. 

victoria

status update

I deactivated my facebook today. I am not sure for how long. Maybe 18 hours, maybe a week, maybe a lifetime, or until the new social media site sucks me in. I have no idea...all I know is I am kind of liking it.
I enjoy facebook and getting the updates about others lives while trying to think of how to cleverly word what is happening in my own. But for a few different reasons, I said the farewell this morning.

My status: I am happy. I feel more settled than in a long time. Sometimes if I don't know how to act, I just pretend that I am on a stage acting. After all--the great show of life is viewed by someone bigger than us, why not put on a good show?

Cheers to a great new year and in hopes of living fully alive. : )